Confessions and Secret Desires

Every one on screen – TV, Silver or YouTube has posed this question to me. “What would your last words be?” Mine would definitely be “I want to eat the biggest slice of cake that’s available”.

300x300_choc_rose_cake

Near and dear like husband and sister know of this addiction and wouldn’t mind the fact it wasn’t “I love you”.

I love Cake I really do. Even as an adult I am repeatedly  disappointed when friends invite me for birthday hilarity and there is no cake.

Champagne yes but no cake.

I feel cheated and extremely disappointed. It has taken me a while to drag my mind out of that association to a new association:

Adult + Birthday = Champagne.

I could always haunt children’s birthday parties because ofcourse….

But for some reason Children+ Birthday = Horrible Cake choices.

They look great but taste awful. Sponge and Butter Cream.

I have graduated from those simple cakes to the kind that SIFT and fancy people like. Cream Cheese, Wasabi, Chocolate Liquer, Guiness Whiskey, Ginger, Lemon Tea. The kind that fancy adults should ideally order for their birthday celebrations that they invite me to !

But don’t pretend cupcakes are cakes. I fell for the cupcake crazy and had them as a wedding cake. And then 10 mins later grew out of it.

Cupackes are a cop out. They are decorating experiments rather than real cakes. Nine times out of ten are just rubbish. Look amazing. fancy frosting. But the bottom half just your ordinary, often heavy, sponge cake.

Lick the frosting, chuck the rest.

I would rather eat a Muffin. As a cake base a muffin has way more personality than your namby pamby sponge cupcake base.

I love cake so much my secret desire is to eat every cake in every cake shop.

This is where Secret Desire turns into a Confession. Its a well known fact that stolen foods contain no calories. The guilt (or the prison sentence) burns it off.

Maxim's Cake Shop
Maxim’s Cake Shop

So my secret desire is to eat every cake in every cake shop, at gun point. Basically not pay. Stage an armed robbery and eat everything. Not like I am cheap. If I start to pay for a 145 cakes to eat then reason sets in. So I wont do it.

But staging an armed robbery is spur of the moment and then you can consume the stolen goods on adrenalin and not think about the consequences.

This desire for Calorie Free (stolen) greed also extends to Delivery Vans. I have this 2 sec flash in my head every time I see a delivery van drive by. Oliver’s Delicatessen, Maxims Cakes, Arome Bakery. I want to hijack the van, tie down the driver and eat the cakes and pastries.

Or when I see a delivery man in the MTR carrying those trays and trays of Maxims cakes. ‘Mug him’ is the first thought that enters my head.

I know you question my contradictory statement here. “I thought you like fancy cake then why Maxims?”

One is desire that stems from the taste of things and the other is confessing to a fetish.

The Horsewoman of the Apocalips

IMG00020-20131120-1231

She came riding in finery and glory, holding forth her arsenal of colours. 13 shades in all. Rimmel Apocalips.

12-3-2013 9-59-57 AM

Lips that look like they have been painted on. Opaque, non sticky and with staying power.

This is how I apply it. First lip conditioner/ balm. I let that sink in for about 10 mins. Dab excess oil off. Apply the lip lacquer.

I need to smooth mine with a lip brush, especially around the edges. Set for 5 mins (while I am getting ready) and then I  dab with tissue and reapply.

I would recommend a lip liner to complete the ‘ the I have lips and I am not afraid to show it’ look.

My selfies below are without lip liner (and I have crooked lips !)

image
APOCALIPS – BIG BANG
image
APOCALIPS – CELESTIAL

I drank coffee, had breakfast and its been 3.5 hours and the colour is still there.

I have really dry lips and so far even without a re-appliation of a lip blam on top, my lips are not flaking.

I have to say I get flaking with the Revlon Kissable Lip Stain balm and have to coat it with a balm on top.

Very pleased just the applicator picks up a bit too much colour and you need to be careful.

I like the size, better than the Maybelline 24 hours gloss applicator. That one is big and round (why round ???? we have angles in our lips)

I do like my Maybelline , but the Rimmel colours are more in your face and I love the LACQUER look. And the ‘painted on, pasted on lips’ look.

image
APOCALIPS- APOCALYPTIC

Quite sexy.

Girl Crush

IMAGE: NY TIMES
IMAGE: NY TIMES

As a girl’s only convent school student I was bound to have girl crushes. Skirt hems skimming below the knees, no jewellery or nail polish and a cane across the shins if found with a boy, anywhere.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
My best friend

In this situation your best friend becomes your first girl crush , especially when she is also your partner in crime and achievements.

Bunking school to go for movies, hitching your skirt up so it could look short, imitating Madonna’s ‘like a virgin’ dress sense, a team partner for  inter-school debates and drama  competitions , and further down the line, a double date partner.

Didn’t help that my best friend was a tomboy. Ofcourse that made the crush levels even more heightened, till, thankfully we both found real boy friends. With or without the boys, we were still the IT couple, I like to think, of our school. We broke rules, aced our scores and smoked in the bathroom.

I speak my mind and have a quick temper.  I have made and lost many friends and acquaintances along the way because of my ‘ I don’t give a s**t about your feelings, you are really pi**ing me off” but never her.But she never bore the brunt of it.

She is special. I admire and respect her. And when  I respect someone its impossible for me to treat them with disdain or hurt them.

Over the years the US-Hong Kong geographical gap and now the India-Hong Kong gap, separates us. But when we meet I can let my guard down. My walls are down because the trust is un-spoken and un-shaken.

My number one Girl Crush is my best friend.

I grew up. Had boy-friends and then got married to someone who is my BFF but the Girl Crush phenomena continues in my life.

Currently the number two Girl Crush is-

Actresses_wallpapers_204
KAREENA KAPOOR- to quote your character from one of your films “you have no right to be this gorgeous”

I want to be you Kareena.

Oprahstudios1
Wise Woman + Problem Solver + all in all just Fab

Oprah I just want to be your friend. No I want to be your friend and for you to solve all my problems and show me the way.

My fourth girl crush could get me into trouble for contravening copyrighted image rules and for stalking . She is considered a colleague and I am sure she will avoid me in the lift now. But damnit lets give adulation its fair due.

cnntoday240420081ip4
MONITA RAJPAL- CNN News Anchor

I have always liked her even when she was based out of London and then she moved here and I met her in person. Oh My shallow Lord. She is so beautiful. Beautiful and Smart. I just want to stare at you and be in awe of you.

Sisters don’t be ashamed of your girl crushes. Its fine. Doesn’t mean you are displaying Single White Female tendencies, its just means “you are Lovah, not a Fighta”

Hey how you doing ?

Moustachioed Lady

photo

While my fabulous friend looks good in a ‘tash, all for MOVEMBER, this is not the look for us ladies.

The sisters of the Indian subcontinent and Middle East have always been stringent with facial hair removal- waxing, threading, even bleaching (to hide the hair). The razor has been our last, ever, resort. Ripping the hair off the roots being the preferred option.

It’s a relief that now everyone and their mothers are deplilating which means easy access to hair removal even outside our own countries.

20 years ago a completely different, hairy story ! How many ‘foreign’ returned aunts and cousins have we met who’s upper lips we have wanted to wax ?

However I do see god awful eye brows even today – the sad result of a terrible wax job. The terrible bulbous beginning to a thin end. ugh. inverted commas !

Indian and Nepalese beauticians are the experts at threading and this skill MUST spread !

For some reason the eye brow and the upper lip have always been the realm of threading. My Indian beautician would say waxing yanks the thin skin around the lips to give early lines. Thats why unless specified all Indian beauticians will thread your eyebrows and your upper lip.

Living in HK where waxing is not really a necessity amongst the (lucky) local population, even a quick thread job requires a plan. An appointment and making the effort of actually getting to the spa for it. LAZY.

How I yearn for the days when I could just run into the local beauty parlour in Bombay, almost in my nightie, for a quick eyebrow and lippie job. And that laziness was leading to almost  ‘fair-ground-attraction’ levels. Behold the Mustachioed Lady !

image

And then Oprah saved me. 

I read the reviews of the REM Spring on her website. Checked out some Vlogs from Indian and Latina women and was sold

Ordered it off Amazon. DO NOT BUY IMITATIONS PLEASE.

image

A beautifully crafted steel, well, spring. I love the weight and the smoothness of it.

image

Hold it with both hands in an inverted U shape and twirl the ends , as if you were twirling an imaginary moustache. And roll the spring over your upper lip while twirling. The twisting motion of the spring, catches the hair and yanks it off.

DO NOT USE IT FOR EYE BROWS !!! it will rip your eye lashes out. Only upper lip and facial hair.

Yes it hurts….a lot. Like threading does and will redden the skin. But its better than waxing or looking like a Major General from the Indian Army !

Making Eyes

image

From a 20 year habit of only ever wearing Lakme Liquid eyeliner on my lids and occasionally some  mascara I have graduated to a full blown multi-coloured-eye- makeup person.

My eye colouring palette grows in leaps and bounds. From possessing just one coloured  mascara I now possess blue, purple and burgundy mascaras.

image

The black mascaras I have are mainly gifts excepting the recently purchased POP (British) ‘comb’ applicator mascara.

Its been day two so am withholding a review. So far its OK. The comb applicator is not as ‘lashy’ as I would like it to be and I feel like it can clump lashes together. I personally dont like the lashclumping ‘volume’ look. I prefer the separate lash look. But one coat can look good.

Oily lids coupled with concealer under eyes, makes my liner run even more. So often liquid liner is the way to go.

image

Lakme has been my go-to eye liner, but in the last few years they changed their brushes  making them super thin and a tad too long making it difficult to apply the liner.  I mean it’s great for getting into the upper lash line and being generally invisible because it’s so damned thin but I like a slightly thicker line.  I even snipped the ends of the brush off. And now its scratchy and awful.

I bought a few trying to find one with a thicker brush but then gave up and went with eye-liner pens which are more easily available in Hong Kong.

My experience with pens has been disappointing. They keep drying on me even though I store them like pens, upside down.

My Maybelline and Cyber Colour (flat tip) are now used as applicators for my Lakme. My latest is the POP eyeliner. I like the fat tip and lets see how it goes.

In terms of application the Maybelline one was easier to apply because it has more slip. The Cyber Colours and POP are both harder, drier. Personally I think being drier makes it easier for lower lash line but drags and jumps across my creases on the my upper lids.

My liners are all black, because coloured liquid liners are a bit harsh and high school. That logic however doesn’t apply to eye liner pencils.

image

image

Nudes to open up the eye, whites to lighten inner corners, and browns, blues, purples, greens and a silver, just for fun !

I rarely do a single colour eye anymore. At any given time I have atleast 3 colours around my eyes (not counting nude or inner corner highlight)

Nude – lower waterline

White – smudged along inner corner.

Black or Brown – smudged out on the lashlines.

Blue/Green/Purple/Silver – smudged out along the outer corner, lower and upper.

Coloured mascara on the lashes.

sounds mental but looks good !

I have dark brown eyes and if ANY of my frikking selfies every work out I would upload my eyes up here. Yes sometimes my mascara can cry out “look we are blue!” but thats intentional.

I am still learning eye shadow techniques to suit my deeply hooded eyes – how to lift and widen.  Currently my shadows serve to lock my eye liner pencils in, applied wet with an angled brush.

I bought my first mega palette. Again POP (Asos). Swatches of my POP shadow palette, on my sister-in-law’s arms.

imageimageimage

By the time I master my eye shadow techniques, I am hoping my selfies improve enough to upload here for a show and tell.

Would make for an interesting read.